Wednesday, May 12, 2010
♥ Recently.... Ever since....
I stopped writing my blog since the last post where I said will update more frequent. But I didn't do that. Till now, it has been so long. Really a lot of things happened recently that really pissed me off! Especially ever since he's in poly. I'm here just to blast out all my grudge so that I won't be so upset. I kinda hate my life for now. I wonder if I'm still me. Or really split personality. I'm so pissed of most of the things happened. It's like not much happy moments for me and him. Mostly boring days of elderly couple like. I hate to say this but I have to. I don't want my feelings hidden and makes me grumpy. I don't really like his poly new friends. Its like when they find him for chat, I will be left behind doing nothing or don't know what can I do while he is entertaining them mostly at night. I know I should give him privacy. But sometimes it's really irritating when some girls come sms your bf stupid nonsense and your bf entertain them! I'll easily get jealous and grumpy because of such things. I like his ITE girl-friend Cindy even sometimes I do jealous of her. At least, she is very understanding. His new poly girl-friends are all xmm and hyperactive type, inconsiderate and full of nonsense. I do feel myself nonsense at time but they seems to be not self-aware. I wonder how he can tolerate with such people when he find me and my personality annoying sometimes.
Yea. You said I think too much. In fact, yes! I think much because you make me think so. If you didn't do something that really pissed me off or the way you talk to other girls, I won't be so.
It's all my fault thou because I'm sensitive. I know you won't like it. I have job and few friends but no family to support me in Singapore so you are important and a family to me. Even I said to be more independent, I'm already trying very hard. Sometimes, I want to tell you and talk to you face-to-face but I can't speak a word and I afraid to pissed you off and you will hate me. I just want you to understand what I'm trying to say and what I wanted. I give you time but sometimes you take things for granted. I'm sorry if I push you too hard. I'm trying to accept but it only make me upset but pushing you too hard make you upset. Both of us will hurt each other if we didn't get what we personally want. Every time I wanted to hate you but at the end I can't. Every time I'm angry with you but at the end wipe of everything and be good with you. What is forcing me to do so behind me?
You know I love you deeply in heart and I know that you love me. I love your morning hugs and kisses. I love you. I just want you to understand me more. To be together need sacrifices.
Love you.
Jiin Jiin
2:07 PM
